Friday, April 30, 2010

Thanks A Lot...........

Lately, my family and I have been going through some difficult times. Things have been hard. I really feel like I am being tested and judged in a lot of ways. There have been days where my eyes have burned from tears that were waiting to be shed. My heart has felt heavy and I haven't always dealt with the tough times in the best way. The "Good Christian Girl" would never admit what I am about to admit so that either means I am not a "Good" girl or it means really none of us are. This not so good girl has been have thoughts like this during the difficult times: "Thanks a lot God". Now it would be great if the tone of that was praising, joyful, respectful but the truth is the tone is more angry, resentful, and hurtful. Read it again with those words in mind. Thanks a lot God. Yep, not very good or Christian like. I know this so then I start feeling guilty, shameful. I was carrying that guilt and shame along with the hurt and anger around like a boulder for a couple of days. I started feeling heavy emotionally and physically from the weight of it all. A boulder is heavy. Especially one that is there because you are mad at God! Now I have been working up to running a 5k and my last training day for that week was around this time. I kept putting the run off all day. Why would I want to run when I had a boulder on my back? The weather was windy and intermittent rain had been falling throughout the day. Well, there seemed to be a "window" of clear weather so I set out to get the run over with. Every thing started out fine and then it was time for my first run. As soon as I started I felt the first drops of rain. Now I could have turned around and went back home, it wasn't that far but I told myself a "real" runner wouldn't quit. So I kept going. Instead of getting better it just kept getting worse. The rain was blowing in my eyes so I couldn't see that well, my clothes were soaked and heavy, it was cold, and really uncomfortable! But I didn't stop. I kept going. "Real runners don't quit. A little rain is nothing." Then just like it started it suddenly stopped and the sun came out. I wiped the rain from eyes and I saw how beautiful my surroundings were. The sun warmed my face. It sparkled on the road causing me to smile. Although the sun was sandwiched between two fierce, black clouds it was shining with brilliance. Then a voice whispered across my soul "Real Christians don't give up either. A little trouble is nothing. I can handle it if you just let Me." I probably would have stopped right in my tracks if I wasn't exercising. My body didn't stop but my mind did. It stopped whirling with guilt and worry instead I just felt at peace about it all. My life is kind of like my run that day. I started out with a plan of running in dry weather and ended up running in a sudden downpour. In my life I have a plan of how I think everything and everyone should be. Then God may put a downpour in my life(maybe stress or work issues or a child who doesn't behave or finances) to show me that life isn't how I plan it but how He plans it. My job is to not to give up, to follow His will, and to trust. Sure there will still be storms but even in a storm there can beauty if I just wipe the rain from my eyes to see. The sun does appear after a storm. I want to be there with my face turned upward, arms held high saying with adoration every time "Thanks a lot God."

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1

No comments:

Post a Comment


san diego foreclosures