Saturday, November 28, 2009

A Letter to Jillian

Dear Jillian Michaels,
On Thanksgiving day, right before going to my mother's house to stuff myself with turkey and noodles, I saw you on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. At that time you announced that you are going to be doing a new show where you will be traveling around the country helping families get healthy. I would like to ask that you consider my family for your show. Now we are not morbidly obese, a matter of fact our combined total weight of our entire family of four is probably around 340 pounds which is less than what Shay weighed in at the beginning of the B.L. this season. But it is in my opinion that a person does not need to be super fat to be unhealthy.
For example, on a typical day my husband might go without breakfast and lunch (his own choice not because he doesn't have access to food) he will then come home eat dinner, junk food, and end the night by eating Twinkies in bed. Amazingly enough he still weighs just a little above his college weight. He doesn't eat much fruit or green vegetables. His family history isn't the greatest; with a diabetic grandmother, parents with cholesterol issues, and a father with diabetic tendencies I am afraid that eventually he too will develop a health issue.
My two sons seem to be at healthy weights for their ages (eight and four) but they are really not developing healthy habits for the future. Both love sweets and junk food. They both turn up their noses to vegetables, some fruits, and any new dish I might try to prepare for the family. Our activity as a family involves video games, movies, and/or shopping. During the summer it is easier because we will play ball in the yard or take hikes in the woods.
As for myself, I am the heaviest of the family. Like I said I am not obese but I am over weight. My family history isn't the greatest either. My father died of heart disease. My mother is healthy but three of my aunts and uncles have died due to heart disease. A few years ago I lost 25 pounds but the weight is slowly creeping back on. Now I just feel sad, embarrassed, and like I let my self and my family down. I know what I should be doing: eating healthier and exercising but somewhere between the knowing and doing I get lost. I read about other people who are doing it right, I see people on the Biggest Loser making changes, I think back when I did it before but I just can't seem to do it. I like to talk the talk but it is the walking the walk part(both literally and figuratively) I can't/won't do. Maybe it is fear of being better, fear of putting myself first, fear of being someone I am not sure how to be(even after losing 25 pounds I never saw myself as thin), maybe it just the fear of being out of my comfort zone. I don't know maybe that is why you could come help me and my family figure it out and guide us in changing our lives for the better.
As I said in the beginning, we are not obese, we are a some what normal mid-western family who could make some changes for a healthier way of life. All you have do is give us a chance. Or better yet you can show us how to give ourselves a chance. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Kim

This letter is wishful thinking although completely true. I know there isn't a chance in he** that Jillian Michaels will show up at my house to whip us into shape and scare my children(heck she scares me). So the big question is this: What am I going to do about myself and my families unhealthy lifestyle? Can I make a plan and stick with it? Can I stop buying the junk food and start making a healthier way for us? There are "people" out there who do it every day, can I be one of them too? Am I brave enough..........

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

This Is It


So yesterday afternoon after the Colts game Jackson and I went up to Metropolis to see Michael Jackson's This Is It. It was great! It really was. I found myself experiencing a variety of emotions as I watched it. I started out curious because i really had no idea what to expect. Within about 10 minutes, I found myself suddenly feeling very sad. As in, there were tears in my eyes sad.....there were no voice overs to the film, telling anyone what to think or how to feel...It was simply MJ at rehearsal, completely in his element, and within moments we all could see that he was still absolutely amazing. The moves were as good as ever. The voice - strong and spot-on with the music that we love so much. Like I said, within moments of seeing just how wonderful and talented he still was, I felt knots in my stomach and some wetness in my eyes, knowing that his passing prevented these amazing shows from ever occurring....and seeing how spectacular he still was - you just could not help but wonder what might have been - what should have been. I felt sad for a good 40 minutes....but then my changed into something way more positive. I began to think about how, because of this footage, he was able to prove all those who see it - that he still had it - BIG TIME....had this footage never existed, I must admit that I would likely have felt a little different about his passing. i had always been a fan, but i have to admit that i doubted that he could still amaze people. I sat there yesterday in the movie theater and i was amazed. So, even though I was moved by his passing, at the time it was because of what he used to be....but know I know that I am sad because of what he still was. As the film went on, I sat there with Jackson, singing along, drumming the armrests, not giving a rats crap about what i may have looked like doing this in a movie theater - I just allowed myself to enjoy it, and I so did. Jackson leaned over and whispered to me "Dad, this is the best movie i have ever seen....It is better than Star Wars". Now, for Jackson to say this, well, if you know him I would equate it to Peyton Manning saying that going to an MJ concert was better than winning the Super Bowl. As it came to a close, 121 minutes later, I did not want it to end....the credits started rolling and people clapped....for awhile....and I didn't see a single person stand up out of their seat until the credits were done. You could sense that people did not want to see the last of MJ. I know I didn't.

The guy

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Anything is Possible!

It is the beginning of a new month. I feel the excitement of new beginnings and a fresh start. I know that when we started this blog a month ago that I talked of starting over but unfortunately I let life get in the way of that start. Yes, sickness and a particularly stressful class of kindergartners can affect my life but only if I let it! I can focus on the circumstance and look at those small things in my life or I can focus on the big picture. I am choosing to look at the big picture. Two years ago I started Weight Watchers around this time. Yes, right before Thanksgiving and Christmas, usually the hardest time for anyone to lose weight and exercise. I did it though and managed to lose weight. I was committed to doing it. That makes the difference. So starting today, November 1st, I am making that commitment again! It doesn't matter if I ate biscuits and gravy for breakfast. What matters is that I had a nice family breakfast with Marc and the boys. What will matter even more is that I do some sort of exercise later. Life is about choices and perspective, I am going to get my rear in gear with both!

Goals for November:
1. Track foods using Weight Watchers points using the Healthy Guide Lines.
2. Exercise at least 3 times a week. I know 3 times doesn't sound like much but when
I have been having a hard time doing
any exercise 3 times is a start! Keep an
exercise log. Do you do this? I find satisfaction in marking down and then
seeing my accomplishments.
3. Read my new devotional every day and journal with it when I can.
4. Write this list down and posting them where I will see them every day. No more out of sight out of mind!

Do you have goals for the month? Tell us about them!!
-Me

Thursday, October 29, 2009

For my buddy Aidan

video

This is our 8 year old, who wanted to make a video response to his buddy who had invited him to his upcoming birthday party. You would not believe how much trouble I had trying to send this in a video message on Facebook...then I put it on Youtube and it would not "post" that way....so I said "take this Facebook! i'll put it on my own blog and send a link. I bet there is some sort of complication with this now. Anyhow, Brice and Aidan this is for you! Miss you guys.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Guilty


It is 4:30 a.m., for some reason I can't sleep. I woke up thinking about life mixed in with a little heartburn. Everything in my life right now seems screwed up but really it isn't. I don't mean for every post that I put on here to be from Debbie Downer or Betty Bummer. Really I don't. I am just an introspective person who is really hard on herself and those around her. I also think things could be better. The problem is I often think about these things and devise a plan but then have no follow thru. It doesn't matter if it is weight lose, exercise, household chores, discipline with my boys, Bible study I have a grand plan but no action. Then I feel guilty because I know what I should be doing I am just choosing not to do it. Have you ever heard the phrase "Fake it until you make it"? I have tried that and what I end up feeling like is a shell of my true self(whoever that is). I wear my emotions on my sleeve so it is hard for me just to pretend to feel or be someone or something else(acting is not my strong suit never has been). I like to watch the Biggest Loser. On the show, half the time with the contestants the battle isn't with food or exercise it is with their own emotional baggage. Bob, the tough but gentle, guy and Jillian, the hard a**, woman take those contestants thru the wringer with their emotions in the gym. I think I need Jillian to come to my house for some tough love. She wouldn't take any b.s. and she would probably make me cry, which would be a small feat since I rarely cry. Like I wrote before I am often my own worst enemy. I come up with excuses or give up or talk myself out of things or I let circumstance control me. I think that is a big one right there. I let my circumstances dictate my life instead of dictating the circumstances myself. But if I am really honest the thing is I am not even control of things. God is. What it all comes down to is trust. Am I really trusting Him? I once read a book and it described how your life should be like the seven sacred pools in Hawaii. God should be the upper most pool in your life which in turn feeds the next pool which feeds the next, etc. Basically the author was saying "Put God first and all other aspects of your life will fall into place." To be honest (remember I wear my emotions on my sleeve for all to see), I am not doing that. A matter of fact, this is what I have felt like for several months now. No wonder I just feel like I am just going through the motions. Often times I feel like Bill Murray's character in Groundhog Day. Same thing each day. I want to be different. I want to be an over flowing waterfall. I just don't know where to get the rain to fill my pool. Yes, I know the answers: read your Bible, pray, go to church. But you don't think I haven't been doing some of those things! Here is the other thing: let's face it nobody wants to hear about this, people want hear about how great things are not about how hard they are. In the Bible, in James 1, it says "Count it all joy" not just the good times but the hard times too. I know people who can do that. I want to do that. Not be a victim of circumstance. To have a life that is overflowing no matter what. The picture at the beginning of this post will be my life. I am just wondering how to get started...........maybe Jillian will tell me when she comes over!

-Me (geez I just sat here for 10 minutes trying to think how to sign off. Not "the girl" I am 36 years old for crying out loud, not yet "the woman", great now I have that Brittany Spears song stuck in my head).

Monday, October 19, 2009

a little better

So I knew I was flat out lazy by not running yesterday afternoon on a beautiful Sunday, so I decided that as soon as i got home from work today I was going to run, which i did. Ran the same route as Saturday. I remeasured and the distance is 2.7 miles. I ran it in 23:51. Saturday the time was 25:31, so improvement is good right. i felt like my pace was faster, and I ran with the new cheap watch I bought. I feel like that helped and motivated me more to know my times. The good thing is that I do feel like these are good workouts for me. Not too easy, but a good challenge for me as I ease back into running.

I found a really cool website, check this out. It is great for measuring your routes and running distances. This will help me alot and give me some variety and accuracy in my runs.

-the guy

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Wasted opportunity!

Shoot today was a wasted opportunity to get a good solid run in. As much as I have been having trouble finding time to run during the week, I missed a great chance to get out and run in the 54 degree sunshine today. I did run yesterday. I ran 2.8 miles in 25:31 and had to stop and walk for a few seconds 3 times...not good. I just did not even feel as good as I did last weekend. I proly didn't stretch well enough and I do not think I was hydrated properly either. I timed myself by putting my cell phone in the back seat of the car and setting the stopwatch and checking it when I got back. That was dumb, so we went out to Target and I bought one of those cheap $10 watches just for running purposes. Piddled around the house and watched some football today...in a dogfight in my fantasy game - my opponent has Tom-freaking-Brady and he threw for 350 yards a 5 TD's in one quarter against the Titans in the snow! Hate the stinkin Patriots. Still have a chance to win because Big Ben and Aaron Rogers are fantasy studs.

On a positive note, even though I did not feel as good when I ran yesterday, I definitely do not feel as sore today as I did after running last weekend. Or maybe I just didn't notice it as much.

-the guy

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Just a warning

I had to post this story, especially since I sure ain't running and have nothing to report there!

So my ill 8-year-old and I are heading back home yesterday after dropping off the 4 year-old at preschool. It was 11:30am and I was tooling down a county road in my Jeep Cherokee, with Jackson in the back seat playing Mario Brothers on his Nintendo DS. As I am approaching town, I notice a car a 1/2 block up the road from me slowing down, and then I see why. A cop right out in plain view on a side street. I gradually slow down about from about 55 to 45 mph and a few seconds later pass by the patrol car. Here he comes. Right up behind me and on come the lights. Let me pause for a moment here and brag that after driving for 18 years I have never gotten a speeding ticket. I pull into the next possible side drive, which happens to be a cemetery. He explains that I was in a 30 mph zone and was exceeding that posted speed limit. As he was running my info, Jackson nervously says "Dad, are you going to jail?". The officer comes back in 2-3 minutes and handed me my warning. Actually very nice about it. He thanks me for wearing my seat belt and encouraged me to have a nice day. So here's the best part....yeah better than the warning. As we are getting back on the road:

Me: Man, Jackson....I dodged a bullet there.
Jackson: (in a shocked and serious tone) You mean he SHOT at you?

-The guy

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Finding time

It don't take much. It sure don't take much to prevent you from finding the time to run. Basically it's day four and I am already realizing that it will be too easy to find reasons not to run. It would be nice if wasn't pitch dark out in the morning after my 8 year-old hops on the school bus. Hey it would give me just enough time to run down the road and back before heading to work. But I ain't running in the dark. Then it dawned on me at work that since Jackson is sick and Kim stayed home with him today that I would have to miss work again tomorrow. BTW - does anyone else do that? Parents who both work? Take turns staying home with the sick kid? Well tomorrow's my turn again and since I knew this would be the case I had to work late to get some things done that I knew I would not be able to do tomorrow. Stopped on the way home for the Big Ten Bargain at Pizza Express. Get home, eat, tend to the sick family, give the Carse-man a bath, kids to bed, watch The Biggest Loser, blog about how I didn't run. Yesterday was a intentional rest day, but I don't want today to be an unintentional rest day, so here's my solution - Wii Active! Ha-ha, take that you wellness demon. It's not as good, but what if I put it on the most difficult mode?
-the guy

Sick of Being Sick

Right now our house is full of sickies. As I am typing this my eight year old is sniffling and snorting phlegm around in his throat. We just got back from our hundred millionth doctor's appointment in last month in a half. It was a three for one deal. Carson, our youngest, was very sick last week (no it wasn't the swineh1n1 deal). He was just getting checked to make sure he was doing okay. He showed his renewed energy by being loud, running around, and continually peeking in a trash can that I told him several times to STOP looking in. Jackson, our oldest, who woke up this morning with a fever, sore throat, and was "really, really, really, really, REALLY" tired; just had a virus. I should be a doctor because I knew that was what she was going to tell me. Now the last time I posted I mentioned that I had a sore throat and just felt blah. I mention this to the doctor and she takes a look at my throat. She then says "Yep you have a pus pocket back there" and I get a script for some antibiotics. We go to CVS and mingle with the other sickies waiting for the scripts(I got my inhaler filled so that I can take a hit of it before I run) and of course Carson the only healthy one, tests my patience probably because I have a freaking throat that feels like I swallowed glass. He cries for McDonalds all the way home because we were going to stop there for some ice cream if he behaved at the doctor and CVS. We are home now and waiting for Marc to bring home a pizza. That is the plan for the night: pizza, rest, and the Biggest Loser (Jillian would shudder to know that I am going to eat pizza and watch BL *gasp*). I was supposed to do day 2 of week one of couch 2 5k, not going to happen. The only healthy thing about this entry is that it is a healthy amount of whining. Next time will be better probably because the antibiotics will have kicked in and I will have eaten pizza!
Do you have sickness at your house? Do you exercise when you are sick?

Sunday, October 11, 2009

His Story

Welp, basically my deal is this. I have known for years that I needed to do something to start taking better care of myself physically. I ran cross country in HS, 19 dang years ago (that's kinda hard to say!). I was about the #6 or #7 runner on the varsity team at a small school, so it's not like I was awesome or anything. But I really enjoyed it and felt like running was my kind of thing. Basically the only consistent running I have done since is run the Indy 500 Mini-marathon (13.1 miles) twice in the mid 90's. Obviously that took a good amount of training both years, and I have always felts good about those accomplishments. Fast forward to now. I am a busy husband and father of two and for the first time I am starting to feel physically old. I don't eat good. If it wasn't for my wife doing a pretty decent job of getting some halfway healthy foods, I'd hate to see how bad I would be eating. Basically, my body feels old. When I get out of bed in the morning I hear lots of pops and cracks. When I sit still at work for awhile, I get up and find myself hobbling like an 84 year old man. My energy level is bad. By the time I get home in the evening, I am pooped. I am ready for a change, but I know it will not be easy. It's going to take some work and some real commitment.

I started working out yesterday. I ran 2.1 miles. I did not take a watch because I did not care a single bit what my time was. I had my Sansa mp3 player and had it set to jam out on some random Beastie Boys tracks. My goal was to run the entire course without stopping to walk. I did it and surprised myself a bit. Right after I got done I felt I may have overdone it...felt some nausea. My wife, Kim told me she thought I needed to drink more water beforehand. Definitely was sore this morning and could tell I had done something. Then this afternoon during the 1pm NFL games, I did the exact same thing - 2.1 miles, me and the Beastie Boys, no walking. Felt better, but still the last 1/2 mile sucked. I told my wife before I left that I thought it would be harder since I was already sore from yesterday, but it was not harder. I'll take the day off tomorrow, I really think I have earned it, unless i do a light workout on our Wii Active. Proly will.

My wife and I are hoping that this blog will be a way to track our progress, encourage and motivate one another, and hopefully learn some things from others who have visited our blog. That's you! We could use your help. Maybe you have found yourself in a similar situation and have some sound advice for us. We would love to hear it!

Her Story

This story starts out like a lot of others. I am a thirty-something wife, mother, daughter, teacher, and friend. I wear a lot of hats in my life. My hats usually stay the same, it's my pant size that keeps changing. In the last few years I could wear jeans ranging from size 6 to size 14. I have done Weight Watchers and lost 25 pounds but have gained most of it back because writing down points for 100 calorie pack cookies seemed pointless. Pointless because I want to be healthy and basically on Weight Watchers I could still eat a lot of junk and lose the weight. That really isn't what I want. I want to fuel my body with healthy foods but I am not quite sure how to do that without being out of control with portions. It doesn't help that I live with a husband who can eat whatever he wants and not see the effects. But this journey isn't about him it is about me. So I'll probably write about food on here too because the body needs the right fuel in order to function well. I just need to find the right program(maybe Weight Watchers eating healthy foods, hmm there's a thought). I also started the couch to 5k program yesterday. You can read about it here. I know that eating right and exercising go together. I have never been a runner but have always thought I could be one. I also like to walk and do video workouts also playing with my sons in the yard should count for something! This is my way of sharing my journey-the good, the bad, and the ugly. There is this great quote I heard on the Biggest Loser last year "My mind was holding me back all along", that really resonated with me because I can be my biggest enemy or my biggest cheerleader. It is all in the thinking.

Today's report: Eating=crappy(lots of m&ms) really planning on starting with the eating tomorrow. Exercising= taking the dog out for a walk, c25k off day. Overall feeling = blah, sore throat, etc. Really hope I am not getting sick.
 

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