FAIL!

I am a total failure. I admit it. I just can't seem to stick to it. Eating right, Weight Watchers Plan, exercise plan, or all of the above. I feel ashamed about it. I feel gross and frumpy. My clothes don't fit like they should. Last week I had a few really good days where I did things pretty much on plan and I exercised. Then stress, life, Valentines Days, snow days, etc came. Then: FAIL!

It is so strange because when I was at my lowest weight I didn't recognize myself as that thin person. My brain hadn't caught up with my body. Now I have my old body back and I don't want my brain to accept this body either. So I have a choice now I guess. Am I going to keep talking about what I should do? or Am I going to take action and do it?

I read the book The Noticer over the weekend. It is a great book! One of the things that struck me in one of the chapters was the main character Jones was talking to another man about change. This is what he said "Five seagulls are sitting on a dock. One of them decides to fly away. How many seagulls are left?" Most people will say four. Listen to Jones' answer " No," Jones responded "There are still five. Deciding to fly away and actually flying away are two very different things. Listen carefully to me. Despite popular belief to the contrary, there is absolutely no power in intention. The seagull may intend to fly away, may decide to do so, may talk with the other seagulls about how wonderful it is to fly, but until the seagull flaps his wings and takes to the air, he is still on the dock. There's no difference between that gull and all the others. Likewise, there is no difference in the person who intends to do things differently and the one who never thinks about it in the first place. Have you ever considered how often we judge ourselves by our intentions while we judge others by their actions? Yet intention without action is an insult to those who expect the best of you. If you have changed show evidence of it."

I have good intentions but they won't mean anything until I spread my wings and fly! I am ready to soar!

Just for your reading pleasure, a random Glee! quote:
"Are you questioning my Badassness!" I mean look at my Guns! Puck talking to Rachel
This show is my guilty pleasure! Love, love, LOVE it!

Today we have a family snow day! School was canceled for the boys and I. Marc decided that since our little county road hasn't been plowed and that it is still snowing that he wasn't going to risk it. Yay for snow days! But I am ready for spring! To be able to get out and take a walk or play in the yard or go watch Jackson's baseball games!

On the eating front: Yesterday was supposed to be my start over day. I did really well journaling my eats w/points until I got home. Then I was starving and mindlessly ate Chex Mix and made a turkey dinner w/ mashed potatoes and stuffing. I also ate brownies at midnight, yikes! This is what I ate during the day. Maybe someone can have a suggestion on how not to be starving by the evening. I get 23 points per day.

coffee w/creamer 1pt
lower sugar oatmeal w/1 banana 4pts
1 c vegetable soup 0pts
10 baby carrots 0pts
mandarin orange cup 1pt
cereal bar 2
handful of m&ms 3
then the evening:
Chex Mix w/a few Cool Ranch Doritos
2 slices turkey
mashed potatoes
peas
stove top stuffing
brownie
milk

On a positive note I did do Walk Away the Pounds 2 mile walk last night and I drank about 5 glasses of water(not enough but better than it has been).

Today so far:
coffee w/creamer 1pt
Arnold's sandwich thin 1pt (love these)
turkey bacon 4pt
cheese 1pt
egg 2 pts

Going to do some exercising soon!

So really I want to know, what do you think of my eats? What do I need to do differently? More fruits and veggies, I know but what else???

Today is the First Day.......

I wish that I had this amazing news that in the last two months since writing on here that I(we) have made this big turn around in our lifestyle. That we are on our way to optimal health but to be honest we are basically treading water around here at the Two Steps household. A matter of fact things are stressful with both the husband's and I jobs. My reaction to stress is to eat and it isn't carrots that I am choosing either. Cakes and cookies, chips and dips are my soother of choice. The husband just becomes a big stress ball who falls asleep at 9 at night in a coma like state. We are the poster children of what not to do.
But wait......in the midst of this I have hope. I know the direction to go. I want to either start Weight Watchers(on my own because of finances) Core or Flex again. I have plenty of DVDs to get me exercising again. I just bought a new organizing book. I find inspiration here, here,here, and here. As the old Nike slogan says "JUST DO IT". I think what I am realizing is that my circumstances do not have to control my life but I have to control my life in the circumstances.
I was reading the blog BitchCakes last night and she was talking about The Last Straw Moment when you just decide this is it. ENOUGH. Frankly, I have had enough of feeling crappy. There is a moment that I remember of feeling good-happy-healthy and it was two years ago. We were in PetSmart and I picked up a 20 pound bag of dog food(they don't make 25 pound bags) to see what I had been carry around on my body. At the time I had lost 25 by doing Weight Watchers and I felt good- proud of myself. I felt healthy and happy. In control of my life.
Fast forward to today, I have gained it all back. I am carry around the bag of 20 pound dog food on my back. It is heavy, cumbersome, and over all just not attractive. I know it, I am embarrassed but now it is time to move on. This is the last straw for me. I want to be here for my boys. I want to be fit at forty. I am tired of feeling like a bump on a log. This is only a speed bump in my journey of my life. I am getting over it and moving on!

To quote the great Michael Jackson:
I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

Let the journey begin!

Oh and btw: GO COLTS!!!

Have you ever had a last straw moment or had to start over? How did you do it? and Who you picking in the Super Bowl? Colts all the way here, you know we are from Indiana!!