So You Had A Bad Day..........

I am just feeling blah right now. I think it is the holiday let down and the idea of going back to work. When I said this to Marc earlier today he just gave me a funny look like I am crazy. Maybe I am. I did have a wonderful break spent with family and friends. It just went too fast. Now we have 18 days of school until Christmas break (my lucky boys have only 15). Not that I am counting or anything!

Here are my goals for the week:

Exercise: Cardio x3, C25k week 1 and Jillian Michaels Shred 3 days wk 1


Eats: Track points every day this week. Measure portions. Drink 48 oz. of water each day. No eating after 8 pm.

Ready to start this journey! Any one care to join me?

Gotta go to bed, vacation is over!

Second Verse Same As The First

Wow, the last time I wrote anything on here was on June 29th, that is a long time. Time got away from me I guess or more honestly I am embarrassed to say that I just kind of fell off on my running. I did run the 5k on July 4th. I didn't run the whole time because of issues with my allergies/asthma but finished in 36:30. Then my allergies got worse and worse and summer got hotter and hotter and I just stopped putting the effort into the running. I am sad about it and every time I think about it I get that feeling of loss inside of me. A matter of fact, on the very rainy drive home from Cincinnati today, U2's "Beautiful Day" came on the radio and I got that feeling inside of me. That song is on either W8 or W9 of the running mix I would train with. It is like I am missing an old friend. Now it is winter and we do not own a treadmill. I guess if I truly miss it I would just suck it up and run outside after school. I don't know but I gotta do something.

I guess I am getting a little ahead of myself here though. If you read the title of this post and you know me then you can probably guess what is coming..........I am going to talk about how I have gained weight, how I need to do Weight Watchers again, and how I need to get an exercise routine. This is what I keep saying over and over again in my life heck it could be verse 10 same as the first. Obviously something is not working because I shouldn't be having so many do overs with this area of my life either that or I am really slow learner. Usually when I start feeling like all these issues need to be worked on I jump right in and just try to do what I always do but this time I have really been thinking about the why, how,what, and the things I know. I want this to be honest, realistic, life changing, on-going, satisfy(in the sense of contentment), and healthy. So without further ado here are the things I have been thinking about.

Things I know:

• This is going to take time and there is going to be trial and error. It has taken me several months to gain this weight. It will take several months to get it back off and a life time to keep it off.
  
• This requires work and preparation. I will need to plan my exercise and my meals. I don't want to become obsessed with food, points for foods, and planning exercise but for awhile it will probably need to be that way.
• I need to allow myself the privilege of taking care of myself. I am not being selfish if I take time to exercise. It does not mean that I love the people in my life less if I put my needs first every once in awhile. A matter of fact, it is a way of showing love to them because I want to be healthy so that I will be around for them later in life.
  
• I need to find a way to deal with stress, my emotions, and other people that doesn't involve food. If I am stressed(i.e. at work I will eat candy bars, at home ice cream), if I am happy/sad I eat, and if I don't know how to deal with people I eat. Food has to stop being my soother in these situations. Exercise will obviously help a great deal with the stress. I also think a journal would help with the emotions and people.
• I want to feel better. Remembering what it feels like after a run, that feeling of accomplishment and happiness, that is what I need to focus on. Remembering the day in PetSmart that I picked up the 20 pounds of dog food and thinking this is what you have lost(now gained back, no wonder I feel crappy). I know putting fruit, vegetables, less fat, water, and wholesome foods in my body makes me feel better. I need to focus on those things.
• I would really like to be a role model for my husband and sons. If I start changing my habits then maybe they will look up to that and make changes too. My hope is that we become a healthy, active family.
• This is about the most absurd time to start anything. Christmas is 4 weeks away. I already know of 6 different gatherings that we will be going to that will have food. But not starting now would be absurd too because there are always going to be situations to deal with. Get over it and just deal. I know how to cope in those situations!!!
• I am going to need to join TOPS so that I have the weekly accountability of getting weighed by someone. I need that, I wish I didn't but I do. I have been "trying to do it on my own" for several months and it is not working. I need accountability. I am considering going to weight watchers for a week just to get the low down on the new program but I think I can probably just look around the internet after next week and find what I need. TOPS is a lot cheaper. Hopefully, I will get stickers or something if I lose each week. I am just like a little kid when it comes to that kind of stuff :o).
• It might be hard to exercise for a while after my surgery(I am going to have sinus surgery in January) but I can still watch what I eat. Plus, it is November right now January is a month and a half away. So get your butt in gear girl!
• I CAN DO ANYTHING that I put my mind to and with the Lord's help. I CAN DO THIS!!!

So these are the things I know. I also know that it is 4 in the morning(I guess Marc going to Wally World for deals was good for me getting this post written) and that I am tired. Either tomorrow evening or Saturday I will write about how I am going to do this. I have probably written about those goals before too but seeing words written out are powerful to me. The bed is calling my name. I will leave you with a quote from the book "The Traveler's Gift" by Andy Andrews:
"I am saying that outside influences are not responsible for where you are mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, or financially. You have chosen the pathway to your present destination. The responsibility for your situation is yours."
"Our thinking creates a pathway to success or failure."

Well Marc is home. Nighty Night!

Ready to Run!

On Saturday I will be running in my first 5k. I am excited and a little nervous. I ran tonight for 30 minutes straight which according to C25k should be 3.1 miles. When I got home, I stretched then the family and I went out out looking for Roscoe(my running partner who forgets to run back home with me, "Squirrel!"). We also measured my distance. I ran 2.5 miles in thirty minutes. Now I felt good while doing it and I could have ran more so maybe I won't be in too bad of shape on Saturday. My goal is just to run the whole race. I am a little nervous because I will be running with a couple of friends. I am unsure of their speed(they may run faster/slower than me) and if they will want to run the whole time. Marc says I should be up front with them and just tell them my goal. He said I need to decide if I am doing the race to be social or to reach a goal. Hopefully, it can be both.

It is funny because I was thinking tonight about how much weight I could be losing if I was really watching what I was eating along with the running. I think eating an ice cream cone after finishing tonight probably defeats the purpose. I have talked about Weight Watchers before but the thought of measuring and counting points for food seems so tedious to me. My new goal should be to eat fruits, vegetables, and non-processed foods. I do have The Eat Clean Diet book to read. Maybe that will help.
I am also wondering if Jillian's 30 Day Shred would be easier this time around if I stuck with it. I really feel like my endurance is a lot better since starting C25k. To be honest last week I did week 7 didn't run for several days and just went to week 9 because of the 5k on Saturday. I was able to skip week 8 and not tell a difference. I think I really need to come up with a plan combining running and other exercise, working on consistency, speed for the running, and perseverance. So I guess I have some goals:

• run the whole 5k on Saturday
• continue running on a regular basis, work on speed
• incorporate other exercise into my routine be consistent
  
• eat 5-6 servings of fruits and vegetables each day, research a new eating plan

So there you go!

I want to finish up by saying how much I enjoying running! It is a great release for me and I feel so good after wards! Some things that has helped me is the music that I run to and facebook. There is a lot of people who read my status updates and kept me accountable. So thanks! Running has shown me that if I make up mind about something, don't give up, and work hard that I can do anything!

A Letter That A Bigger Person Wouldn't Feel The Need To Write

To Whom It May Concern,
I just wanted to write and say "Thank You". Thank you for turning my family's life upside down almost two months ago. When you decided to fire my husband for misuse of company e-mail without any warning or reprimand even though he had worked for the agency for 12 years without any form of written reprimand in those twelve years, I am sure that you had the best interests of the employees and the youth in mind. After all this "misuse" was my husband sharing his faith and encouraging an employee. Yes, that rates right up there with an employee looking at porn at work or sending inappropriate messages to another employee. So here is the first thank you because I now know what would considered inappropriate e-mail in the future. I am sure you have done a stellar job of checking on other employees in the agency and their e-mail accounts in the past two months. You know, employees who should be supervising staff or the youth and are instead on facebook, twittering, texting, or checking e-mail. I am sure they will be fired too.

Another thing I want to say thanks for is the fact that we are doing a much better job of being aware of our money now. The first thing we had to decide when this happened is that our children would not be getting the swing set that we had been promising them for two summers. Wow thanks for saving us that extra expense and fun. I am sure your children are enjoying something new since you got promoted since you made your decision about my husband. I guess my children are learning a life lesson yours never will, sometimes you have to do without not by your choice but by choices made by other people. We are really trying to be better thinkers finding ways to save money and do things for free this summer. One other thing, you know that our new insurance sucks? I mean it causes me to be sick to my stomach at the thought of one us getting sick because we would be in a big mess with the bills. So thanks for making me appreciate our health.

It has been so nice to get up every day and wonder if this will be day that he gets a call from someone who wants to hire him. Jobs are scarce but this is something you don't care about obviously. The stress, worry, and sleepless nights have helped me stay on a schedule for running because it keeps those things at bay. Too bad Marc doesn't do something like that, I think sometimes he will get ill from the pressure he is under(which in turn has do with the new insurance because that would mean a bill). I am sure you are sleeping well. What would you have to feel guilty about besides packing up my husband's office and firing him because of your own agenda. I mean I am sure you never think about the consequences of that one decision, why would you? I mean you didn't think of it at the time.

The only true thing I do want to thank you for is this: I thank you for my new appreciation for my husband. No he doesn't have a job right now but that doesn't matter because he is a person of morals, standards, and integrity. He is a man of God, who stands up for what he believes in. He works hard every day looking for jobs that don't seem to be there, all with keeping his chin up(most of the time). As parents we have a great responsibility to raise our children in a way that they will become upstanding adults in society. I am proud to say that our boys have Marc as a role model. You might consider what you are teaching your children with your actions. Heck you might think about what you are teaching the troubled youth you are working with. Too bad you don't have my husband as an employee any more. He is worth more than you can even fathom. It is your loss and a future employers gain.

I know you have already let all this go, I am sure you did two months ago. I just hope that now I can too.

Thanks,
Kim

****Yes this is still a blog about exercise and health. Part of being healthy is letting things out and not keeping them inside. I promise I will write a post soon about C25K. I can run for 25 minutes straight now and I am hoping to enter a 5k soon. Thanks for letting me vent! Peace!

Thanks A Lot...........

Lately, my family and I have been going through some difficult times. Things have been hard. I really feel like I am being tested and judged in a lot of ways. There have been days where my eyes have burned from tears that were waiting to be shed. My heart has felt heavy and I haven't always dealt with the tough times in the best way. The "Good Christian Girl" would never admit what I am about to admit so that either means I am not a "Good" girl or it means really none of us are. This not so good girl has been have thoughts like this during the difficult times: "Thanks a lot God". Now it would be great if the tone of that was praising, joyful, respectful but the truth is the tone is more angry, resentful, and hurtful. Read it again with those words in mind. Thanks a lot God. Yep, not very good or Christian like. I know this so then I start feeling guilty, shameful. I was carrying that guilt and shame along with the hurt and anger around like a boulder for a couple of days. I started feeling heavy emotionally and physically from the weight of it all. A boulder is heavy. Especially one that is there because you are mad at God! Now I have been working up to running a 5k and my last training day for that week was around this time. I kept putting the run off all day. Why would I want to run when I had a boulder on my back? The weather was windy and intermittent rain had been falling throughout the day. Well, there seemed to be a "window" of clear weather so I set out to get the run over with. Every thing started out fine and then it was time for my first run. As soon as I started I felt the first drops of rain. Now I could have turned around and went back home, it wasn't that far but I told myself a "real" runner wouldn't quit. So I kept going. Instead of getting better it just kept getting worse. The rain was blowing in my eyes so I couldn't see that well, my clothes were soaked and heavy, it was cold, and really uncomfortable! But I didn't stop. I kept going. "Real runners don't quit. A little rain is nothing." Then just like it started it suddenly stopped and the sun came out. I wiped the rain from eyes and I saw how beautiful my surroundings were. The sun warmed my face. It sparkled on the road causing me to smile. Although the sun was sandwiched between two fierce, black clouds it was shining with brilliance. Then a voice whispered across my soul "Real Christians don't give up either. A little trouble is nothing. I can handle it if you just let Me." I probably would have stopped right in my tracks if I wasn't exercising. My body didn't stop but my mind did. It stopped whirling with guilt and worry instead I just felt at peace about it all. My life is kind of like my run that day. I started out with a plan of running in dry weather and ended up running in a sudden downpour. In my life I have a plan of how I think everything and everyone should be. Then God may put a downpour in my life(maybe stress or work issues or a child who doesn't behave or finances) to show me that life isn't how I plan it but how He plans it. My job is to not to give up, to follow His will, and to trust. Sure there will still be storms but even in a storm there can beauty if I just wipe the rain from my eyes to see. The sun does appear after a storm. I want to be there with my face turned upward, arms held high saying with adoration every time "Thanks a lot God."

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1

Couch 2 5k W3D1

Are you getting tired of hearing about C25k? I am excited I guess. Well I think I am. Maybe.

Yesterday, I did D1W3. It was hard and hot(that's what she said**sorry too many Office episodes). Anyway, I made the mistake of trying a new course and sure enough when she came on and said "Okay here is your first 3 minute run. Ready, set , go!" I was running up a steep hill. I walked just a little but I am counting it because I ran all the rest of the sets. The thing is now I just feel physically tired and mentally beat up. I think part of it is allergy related and part of it is that I haven't been sleeping well because of our dog Chloe. Tomorrow I am going to run on a course I know so I don't encounter a steep hill. I need to go to bed earlier tonight too. Hopefully that will help.

Any other suggestions???

C25K W1 and W2

Sooo, I have been doing the Couch 2 5k running plan. It is basically interval training where you walk then run for an allotted amount of time. I have completed week 1, it was pretty easy. Run for 60 seconds recover for 90 seconds by walking. I have done two days so far of week 2. The first day kicked my butt. It was a very windy day so basically the whole time that I was running/walking the wind was hitting me in the face directly or from the side. There was moment when I was running that I felt like I was just running in place. The last 90 second run that I did I just kept repeating to myself "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" It was hard but I did it! I also think that part of the problem was that I hadn't drank enough water for the day so I was dehydrated. I came home and immediately downed a bottle of water.
Last nights run was better. It was less windy and the run segments seemed easier. Although, I know now not to eat two small pieces of pizza for pre-run fuel(duh). I kept burping and had heartburn by the end. I usually like to eat almonds or pb and banana. I guess that is what I need to stick to! It is funny but I really didn't feel like running(I am not sure if I should call what I am doing running yet because I am walking part of the time) but I knew that there are people who know about what I am trying to do and I didn't want to seem like a slacker for them or myself. It is funny that facebook is keeping me accountable to this training. I do feel great now that I did it. I really like it and I look forward to doing it. I haven't walked once during any of the runs which makes me feel proud.
Something I am not so proud of is my eating habits. I have been indulging in some Reeses Peanut Eggs that I got for a $1 at Wal-mart the day after Easter. I haven't been keeping track of what I am eating and it shows on the scales. Plus over all I just feel crappy. So I guess I need to run and jump back on the Weight Watchers wagon. I want to lose weight but what I really want is to feel better and be healthier!
Maybe someday Marc will get on here and write something. He is supposed to be running a 5k with me but I haven't seen him run yet. I know he will though. It is too bad we can't run together but that would mean that we would have to leave our 5 & 8 year old sons home alone and authorities seem to frown on that! So for the time being this is my running partner.









This is one of our dogs. His name is Roscoe. He is a pretty good running partner but he keeps running off to chase bunnies or other dogs or cows. He does help me feel protected in case some crazy in a car decides to stop and kidnap me while I am running. Or at least I hope he would protect me unless of course he is chasing a squirrel somewhere!

Do you run with your dog? or do you have a human running partner? or do you prefer to run alone?

Weekend Update

A few random things:

1. I lost 1 pound the week before vacation. I exercised three times and wrote down every thing that I ate with points. The result: only a pound. Hmm, I will keep going. 21 day dang it(with a slight hiatus for spring break vacation)!
2. We just returned from a fabulous vacation in the Smokey Mountains. I indulged in all kinds of "bad" things like chips, drinks, and two separate meals that were probably 1,000 calories each(Applewood and Flapjacks). A good time was had by all! It was vacation, I REFUSE to feel guilty!
3. On the same vacation our family took a 5.6 hike through the The Great Smokey Mountains National Park. It was a beautiful day with gorgeous scenery! I think I would like to take up hiking as a hobby at least geocaching.
4. Marc and I made a pact today that we will run a 5k together this spring. I am going to start training using the couch to 5k program (C25k). Confession: I have never been a runner. I was talking today about how one time I was made to run a mile for time in Strength and Conditioning class in high school. I think I cried during the mile and spewed words of hate towards the teacher under my breath. Marc so kindly pointed out to me after my story "Gee honey you were probably in pretty good shape back then too." Thanks honey for the encouragement!
5. I am glad we had a vacation but in the next few weeks life is going to get crazy busy. Carson starts soccer practices and games. Jackson starts baseball practices and games. I have to clean out and pack up my classroom to move to another classroom. Kindergarten Round Up for Carse(sniff). Easter holiday. Spring! Relay for Life! Fundraisers for baseball. May birthdays and our anniversary! Plus everyday life!
   
6. I have dvred "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution". I am waiting for Marc to finish playing the wii so that I can watch it. Is it a little sick of me to be excited about watching the sad state of America's eating habits and especially school lunches? or maybe I am just excited to see Jamie Oliver's cute face and hear his cute British accent. That is sick too, huh?
7. I got a good book by Liz Curtis Higgs called "Embrace Grace". It is really good and I especially like the questions at the end of each chapter. The book is really helping me become more focused on God and my relationship with him. Not bad for a $5.99 book!

Well, this entirely too long and probably no one has read all of this or any of it but it feels good to share even if it is for myself. If you did read all this I would love to have you comment, even if it is just a "hey whats up"!

Later Gators!

21

Right now I am feeling all mellow and relaxed. Probably because I just had pizza and Oliver Winery Sangria wine. It was all yummy! It was the perfect ending to this week or a great beginning for the weekend, it is all about perspective you know.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago(March 2nd to be exact), I woke up feeling horrible. I was nauseous, my bones ached, and I just felt blah. I took a sick day but I think really that it was a mental health day. My work has been really stressful lately(I don't know about any other states but right now in Indiana education and teachers have no funding or support). I literally feel like that all the negativity and stress in my life was making me ill. During my "sick"day besides napping I had time to just think. Think about work, my home, my husband, my kids, my spiritual life, and just me in general. That day, along with spending 45 minutes trying to find something to wear for church that fit or didn't make me feel fat the following Saturday has made me have a shift in thinking. I have been tracking my food points, drinking water, measuring my food and exercising since Monday(3/8). I feel great! It will be interesting to see if I have lost any weight on Monday. Even with eating pizza(Papa Murphy's vegetable d-lightful pizza) and wine! Yes, I measured my wine, 4oz for 2 points. That is what I love about Weight Watchers, I can still have all the "normal" stuff but I just have to have portion control or have it a little differently prepared. I keep telling myself "Twenty-one days, do this for that long. That is how long it takes to make something a habit!" Hopefully, after 21 days it will be a life long habit! So yay me! Marc and the boys say that they will clap for me and give me stickers if I lose weight each week just like the meetings at Weight Watchers. Hopefully, they will be breakin' out the stickers on Monday!

Happy Weekend!

FAIL!

I am a total failure. I admit it. I just can't seem to stick to it. Eating right, Weight Watchers Plan, exercise plan, or all of the above. I feel ashamed about it. I feel gross and frumpy. My clothes don't fit like they should. Last week I had a few really good days where I did things pretty much on plan and I exercised. Then stress, life, Valentines Days, snow days, etc came. Then: FAIL!

It is so strange because when I was at my lowest weight I didn't recognize myself as that thin person. My brain hadn't caught up with my body. Now I have my old body back and I don't want my brain to accept this body either. So I have a choice now I guess. Am I going to keep talking about what I should do? or Am I going to take action and do it?

I read the book The Noticer over the weekend. It is a great book! One of the things that struck me in one of the chapters was the main character Jones was talking to another man about change. This is what he said "Five seagulls are sitting on a dock. One of them decides to fly away. How many seagulls are left?" Most people will say four. Listen to Jones' answer " No," Jones responded "There are still five. Deciding to fly away and actually flying away are two very different things. Listen carefully to me. Despite popular belief to the contrary, there is absolutely no power in intention. The seagull may intend to fly away, may decide to do so, may talk with the other seagulls about how wonderful it is to fly, but until the seagull flaps his wings and takes to the air, he is still on the dock. There's no difference between that gull and all the others. Likewise, there is no difference in the person who intends to do things differently and the one who never thinks about it in the first place. Have you ever considered how often we judge ourselves by our intentions while we judge others by their actions? Yet intention without action is an insult to those who expect the best of you. If you have changed show evidence of it."

I have good intentions but they won't mean anything until I spread my wings and fly! I am ready to soar!

Just for your reading pleasure, a random Glee! quote:
"Are you questioning my Badassness!" I mean look at my Guns! Puck talking to Rachel
This show is my guilty pleasure! Love, love, LOVE it!

Today we have a family snow day! School was canceled for the boys and I. Marc decided that since our little county road hasn't been plowed and that it is still snowing that he wasn't going to risk it. Yay for snow days! But I am ready for spring! To be able to get out and take a walk or play in the yard or go watch Jackson's baseball games!

On the eating front: Yesterday was supposed to be my start over day. I did really well journaling my eats w/points until I got home. Then I was starving and mindlessly ate Chex Mix and made a turkey dinner w/ mashed potatoes and stuffing. I also ate brownies at midnight, yikes! This is what I ate during the day. Maybe someone can have a suggestion on how not to be starving by the evening. I get 23 points per day.

coffee w/creamer 1pt
lower sugar oatmeal w/1 banana 4pts
1 c vegetable soup 0pts
10 baby carrots 0pts
mandarin orange cup 1pt
cereal bar 2
handful of m&ms 3
then the evening:
Chex Mix w/a few Cool Ranch Doritos
2 slices turkey
mashed potatoes
peas
stove top stuffing
brownie
milk

On a positive note I did do Walk Away the Pounds 2 mile walk last night and I drank about 5 glasses of water(not enough but better than it has been).

Today so far:
coffee w/creamer 1pt
Arnold's sandwich thin 1pt (love these)
turkey bacon 4pt
cheese 1pt
egg 2 pts

Going to do some exercising soon!

So really I want to know, what do you think of my eats? What do I need to do differently? More fruits and veggies, I know but what else???

Today is the First Day.......

I wish that I had this amazing news that in the last two months since writing on here that I(we) have made this big turn around in our lifestyle. That we are on our way to optimal health but to be honest we are basically treading water around here at the Two Steps household. A matter of fact things are stressful with both the husband's and I jobs. My reaction to stress is to eat and it isn't carrots that I am choosing either. Cakes and cookies, chips and dips are my soother of choice. The husband just becomes a big stress ball who falls asleep at 9 at night in a coma like state. We are the poster children of what not to do.
But wait......in the midst of this I have hope. I know the direction to go. I want to either start Weight Watchers(on my own because of finances) Core or Flex again. I have plenty of DVDs to get me exercising again. I just bought a new organizing book. I find inspiration here, here,here, and here. As the old Nike slogan says "JUST DO IT". I think what I am realizing is that my circumstances do not have to control my life but I have to control my life in the circumstances.
I was reading the blog BitchCakes last night and she was talking about The Last Straw Moment when you just decide this is it. ENOUGH. Frankly, I have had enough of feeling crappy. There is a moment that I remember of feeling good-happy-healthy and it was two years ago. We were in PetSmart and I picked up a 20 pound bag of dog food(they don't make 25 pound bags) to see what I had been carry around on my body. At the time I had lost 25 by doing Weight Watchers and I felt good- proud of myself. I felt healthy and happy. In control of my life.
Fast forward to today, I have gained it all back. I am carry around the bag of 20 pound dog food on my back. It is heavy, cumbersome, and over all just not attractive. I know it, I am embarrassed but now it is time to move on. This is the last straw for me. I want to be here for my boys. I want to be fit at forty. I am tired of feeling like a bump on a log. This is only a speed bump in my journey of my life. I am getting over it and moving on!

To quote the great Michael Jackson:
I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

Let the journey begin!

Oh and btw: GO COLTS!!!

Have you ever had a last straw moment or had to start over? How did you do it? and Who you picking in the Super Bowl? Colts all the way here, you know we are from Indiana!!